That little voice has a lot to answer for. That nagging, sickening whisper that somehow knocks the wind out of you and leaves you useless and wondering why. No one wants to feel inadequate but it’s particularly biting when it comes to feeling like something you put your heart and soul into just isn’t good enough. However hard we try jealousy has it’s way of seeping in through the smallest crack we leave open. More often than not, exactly when we’re feeling especially vulnerable already.
Believe it or not there are some benefits to recognising that jealous feeling when it strikes. Stick with me here for just a moment. Jealousy can help us understand our own aspirations and give us direction. When you see something you wish you were doing then maybe you should be paying more attention to your own needs. But when it comes to debilitating jealousy – the type that stops you producing anything that is a true reflection of your own experience and skill, but leans us closer to straight up plagiarism – that’s not on. We need to find an answer.
The reason I wanted to write about this subject is because I’m no stranger to jealousy. As much as I don’t like to admit it I have moments of blogger envy every day. I wish I could take photos like this blogger, or I wish I’d had that idea or their styling expertise. These pangs, whilst momentarily sucking the life out of you, are actually a good thing. They remind me to keep striving to improve my craft. They keep me on my toes and give me new goals to work towards, but amongst the productive jabs every now and then a much more decremental resentment sneaks up and knocks you clean out.
There are lots of ways to avoid this type of jealousy, non any better than the other. Some people avoid any kind of influence that would create these feelings, choosing only to follow blogs or creative entrepreneurs outside of their niche. But I am way to curious for that. I’m submerged in this DIY world and I wouldn’t have it any other way! So I had to find another way and it came from an unexpected place.
When I first had the idea to start We Make Collective I initially wanted to create all of the tutorials myself. This meant I would get to experiment, learn and explore every possible avenue I could in one creative technique. I’d get to expand on and develop my own skill and basically play with great materials all day long! Living the dream!
But then I realised I was missing out on a great opportunity, not only could I use the Collective to work with some of the people I admire most, I could also create a truly unique collection that featured tutorials out of my own technical experiences and creative influences, and offer more ideas and skills than just those I have learnt. If I hadn’t decided to work with so many other people I think I would have missed the whole value behind We Make Collective. Working with the people I admire creates a much more comprehensive and quality site for everyone involved.
Taking it one step further and working with independent suppliers who might otherwise be our competitors was a natural progression. Yes, I would not be making a big profit by outsourcing so much of the work but the value here is not in the financial gains but in the quality of the service which we have the chance to create.
One of the benefits of choosing this route is that I get to use all the knowledge I’ve earned from my blogger obsession and work with some of the people I admire most. It’s here that I realised just how important it is to collaborate not just to build an amazing resource but for my own emotional advantages. Working with other creatives that I could easily be envious of has softened the blow.
I’m also lucky that my work with Design*Sponge also gives me an avenue to work with even more of the people I admire. It’s in these collaborations that I’ve become less jealous of my coworkers and genuinely happy for their achievements. Part of this is getting the chance to really see the person behind the perfectly styled blogs and websites. When you realise it’s a real person behind the gloss with real stuff going on it their own lives it’s much harder to keep harbouring negative feelings.
So my advice is to get the know the real people behind the window display and perhaps even collaborate with them! I realise that this is not always possible but it’s important to look further than the surface not just for your own peace of mind, but to create a better space for your own audience too!
Well said Fran. It’s like you’re in my brain!
Hahaha! I love that we’re on the same wave length!
Again, thanks for being so open and honest, Francesca! I agree with most of the things you wrote about. And I think hard work and quality made you who you are today. And courage. Good luck with the new project! Have a great day! Gabriela
Thank you so much Gabriela!
Yes, so much is down to hard work and determination. So often there are times I want to quit, but I just keep on pushing through and eventually the smaller steps get you somewhere. Thank you so much for your comment!
xx
As a photographer, I have LOVED collaborating with the other creatives I admire. You never know what opportunities will open up for you from just reaching out! Everything that I’ve done in the last year and a half as a photographer has stemmed from me reaching out to people, getting to know them, and working with them, even though that was not my original intention going into it! Learn from as many people as you can and always remember that everyone starts somewhere with zero followers and barely a concept. Allow yourself to grow into a version of yourself that was better than you were yesterday!
That ended up being a lot longer than I intended, but this is definitely something I feel passionately about! It’s one of my goals as a creative to change the competition mentality into something that’s healthy instead of toxic. :)
Neha // http://nehasharmaphoto.com/blog/
Hey Neha,
Absolutely – I love this! I definitely try to make small improvements every day and make a note of my journey. As important as it is to remember we all started with nothing it’s also important to know that no one ever ‘makes it’. We are all continuously working to get better at what we do and we can always criticise ourselves.
You have a wonderful outlook on working with others. I’d love to hear more about your story! I’m going to have to read all about it on your blog :)
Fran x
I love the idea of getting to know people behind the gloss and style.
Totally Renee! You always learn there’s so much more to what you originally thought about someone :D
Oh! the jealousy that creeps so often as I am surrounded by so many amazing creators and like yourself, it inspires me to work really hard but at times it does pull me down because I have a long way to go. And I am yet to make real friends on the net.
Any tips on how to reach your fellow bloggers and make friends.
Thanx for writing:)
Hey Marwa!
You’re right, it can definitely go either way but just know you’re not alone. It took me a long time to make friends with other bloggers. My advice would be to find bloggers who are at the same stage of their journey as you are. Not only can you help promote each other but you can talk about the issues that might be affecting you at the same time! If you can try to meet up with fellow bloggers at conferences or for coffee (somewhere public and safe of course!) which can help a lot!
Most of all don’t be disheartened and keep going!
x
Bloody brilliant!
I’ve suffered greatly from the comparison bug before, and I think it’s what drove me to take an extended absence from blogging (something which I’m just coming back to now). It’s something that’s always going to be around, so using it to your advantage is such a great way of focusing your energy on the right path! x
Hey Kim!
Thank you so much! I’m so sorry you felt like you had to take a break from blogging because of this. I completely sympathise. I think sometimes it can seem totally hopeless when you’re comparing yourself to bloggers that seem to get all the opportunities or other businesses that are doing really well. It’s a constant struggle to just focus on your own thing and forget about everyone else.
Another thought I like is that unlike say magazines you don’t have to pay for blog posts. so it is not as competitive if that makes sense. Reading a blog is free so your audience doesn’t have to choose which blog to read – they can read as many as they like. The only constraint is time… That sometimes helps me get back on track :D xx
Thanks Fran, this article was so reassuring to read. Helpful too.
Thanks Sam! I’m so glad you found it helpful x
Thanks for sharing your insight! This is really valuable to me as a newbie blogger. You are definitely an inspiration to me and it gives me confidence that I can do it!
Thanks Sara! So glad I can help in a small way. :)
Very nice article Francesca. It IS an important topic. Jealousy and envy are damaging feelings but so prevalent. We need to turn them into something positive that serves us. It’s not easy, just as you say. And drawing the line between inspiration and plagiarism is also essential. Thanks for the great blog posts!
Thanks Marie!
You make such a valid point. We absolutely need to make sure jealousy doesn’t lead to plagiarism. It’s easy to get too inspired by another person’s work and end up replicating it out of admiration more than the desire to steal. It’s important to be conscious of where you might be doing this as well.
xx
Great post!
Sometimes I though you speak indirectly with me. I’m always afraid about the comparison, when I read o saw something I like, I admire it but sometimes I’am very jealous. I try to turn this “bad” feel into something good, I try to motivate myself to do better.
Your words are a source of inspiration.
well said fran! this speaks to me on so many levels considering im a new (and trying to improve) blogger xxx
https://justthatdiy.wordpress.com
Thanks for sharing this! It’s such an easy thing to get caught up in, but such an important thing to realize as a creative and an emerging blogger/business!
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